人生之钥-第11章
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“你认识他？”我问道，他摇摇头说：“我们从没见过，但是我有种感觉，他依然在我们身边，从远处看着我们。”他笑着，继续说，“然后我对他说，别担心，吉米，我会为你照顾好他们。”
我默默地看着他，异常感动。
“她不爱我了，”一个男人叹道，很显然他认为这是非常遗憾的，但也将这视为配偶离开他的正当理由。似乎“爱”，这个跟任何其他情绪一样虚无缥缈的感情状态，是忠诚的首要条件。
Intimacy 亲密（2）
“他丢下我找了个年轻的模特儿。”一个中年已婚妇女哼道，她一直极力避免在婚姻的早期便经历由于摩擦和琐事而致的激情退却，而揭开面纱以后才发现自己的婚姻如此空洞。
说不出任何不满的理由的一方，常常是安于现状、安于婚姻关系和双方利益的人。但渐渐地，他/她突然发现，另外一半，在经历了多年的安逸生活以后，却在力图寻找自由。
看起来，任何情感的、身体的吸引或是常识都是靠不住的，都不能成为两个人在一起的充足保障。那么，什么才是让两个人牵手一生的力量呢？是不朽的爱情吗？有这么一回事儿吗？还是爱原本有其他的作用和功能？
在终了，所有都可归结为价值。只有当两个同样投入的人分享着同样的价值观念的时候，关系才能坚固而持久。
When a man and a woman are drawn together； the attraction； I believe； is always sexual。 Whether firing instantly； flaring bright； or taking its time； smouldering in secret； flickering； rekindling； before burning itself out。
The theory of love at first sight is appealing； but really； there is no such thing。 Love es later； an afterthought； once desires are sated； needs overe； wishes fulfilled。
Sex is instinctive； possessive； manding： a force to be reckon…ed with； dangerous when unleashed。 Since we never know where it will take us； it needs to be handled with care。
Love； on the other hand； is never a threat。 It is deliberate； fashioned by choices； generous to a fault； happy to put the other person’s interests ahead of its own。
If sex is the ultimate in self…expression； love is the opposite： an on…going challenge to vanquish the self。 A formidable task； much against the grain of human nature。
Our ability to love is constantly tested； as we are faced with hurdles that call for mutual negotiation。 If we succeed in clearing them； the result will be a deeper attachment； greater affection； a closer bond。
Conversely； no relationship； however passionate； will survive if love is lacking。 Without love we fall at the first fence。
Proponents of the 1960s sexual revolution had a noble aim in mind： to liberate us all from the age…old tyranny of insipid morality； religious condemnation； secrecy and shame； repression； guilt and inhibition。
Love was the new currency； intimacy a birthright； to be enjoyed along with carnal pleasures and made freely available as a healthy； natural means of expression。
Loneliness would be a thing of the past； every type of relationship respected； physical and emotional fulfilment available to all； with no fear of disapproval or exclusion。
Little did these humanitarians anticipate that； before long； their idealistic concept would be hi…jacked by mercial interests and used for crass material ends with no regard for any values other than financial。
Today； sex is a prime marketing tool exceeding all others。 From all directions it is forced on to an unsuspecting public； sparing no one； not even little children； from the delusion that nothing but your sexuality gives you a place in the world。
How can anybody be expected to withstand this onslaught； brain…washed as we are to accept as the real thing casual couplings or mindless drunken encounters； and to live with the consequences of increased violence against women；more sexually transmitted diseases； children who should never have been born； abuse； confusion and deviation； not to mention emotions laid waste？
Good…bye intimacy。 Hello loneliness。
In the days when marriage was the only accepted arrangement for living together – or even sharing a bed –you went to the altar without asking why。 （Unless； that is； a baby was on the way。）。 最好的txt下载网
Intimacy 亲密（3）
Or else you looked to marital status for the benefits it would bring： personally； socially； materially。 For anybody weak or insecure； matrimony offered a safe haven： a brand new identity supplied by the spouse。
It goes without saying that such married couples did not always live happily ever after。 No one could be sure of the partner’s motives。 In a conflict either could say： “I married you for all the wrong reasons。 Not because I loved you。 Not of my own free will。”
Nowadays； with no more pressure from society and little in way of incentives； you may well ask： Why should anyone want to get married？
I can’t think of a single good reason… Except； possibly； a simple wish to show the world where you belong… visions of a future bleak without the other… a genuine desire to be there for the one you love； dedicating your life to his or her welfare。
For marriages entered into on these grounds auguries couldn’t be better。 But； my goodness； it takes courage。 For any couple who have found it； I take off my hat and say： Congratulations！
As a student in London； I shared a flat with a Moslem girl。 Her mother； still young； came to visit； covered in black from head to toe： her eyes were all I ever saw of her。 Proudly she told me of a solemn vow made to her husband on his deathbed twelve years before： that no man would ever see her beautiful face again。
Equally faithful is a Western woman I know； who spends her life surrounded by photographs and mementoes of a long dead husband； mourning him as fervently as once she loved him； impervious to the approaches of any other man。
Another widow with a young family remarried a man who won’t hear his predecessor’s name mentioned。 Anything that belonged to him has been dispensed with。 To the children he says： “That man is dead and gone。 I’m your father now。”
And then there was the Connemara workman； chatting away whilst plastering my kitchen。 Having mentioned in passing that his wife had been left widowed with two little boys； he made the odd friendly reference to Jimmy； their dad。
“You knew him？” I asked。 He shook his head。 “We never met。 But I have a feeling he’s still with us； somehow； looking down from afar。” Then； smiling； he went on： “And I say to him； don’t you worry； ’m here。 I’m looking after them for you。”
I looked on； impressed； as he bent to refill his trowel。
“She fell out of love with me；” sighs a man； apparently accepting this as a regrettable but perfectly valid reason for his partner in life to have abandoned him。 As if ‘being in love’； an emotional state as volatile as any mood； were a prerequisite to staying loyal。
“He replaced me with a younger model；” sniffs a middle…aged wife； fighting off bitter memories of the passion experienced early on in her marriage； before the friction and trivia of everyday life wore it all away； revealing nothing but a vacuum underneath。
The person who has no explanation to offer is one who had settled for a safe； rational union based on mental affinity and mutual interests； but came to see the other half suddenly； inconceivably； after years of congenial living； make a bid for freedom。
It seems that neither emotions； physical attraction nor mon sense can be depended upon to keep a couple together。 So what does it take for two people to maintain a life…long devotion？ Is it love – undying love？ Is there such a thing？ Or is that love a function of something else？
At the end of the day； it may all e down to values。 A relationship is only as sound； and as lasting； as the values shared by the two individuals involved。
Love 爱（1）
在我短暂的演艺生涯中，曾在一个小巷子里的剧院演过一出晦涩难懂的戏。尽管疯狂演练了好几个礼拜，我的那个角色对我来讲仍然是个挑战。
在公演后的第二天，我能从戏院里感觉到观众并没有多大反应。当时我觉得似乎自己的表演中缺少了什么，于是更加卖力地投入，但尽管如此，仍旧不见进步。
可怕的事实往往只在幕间休息时闪现——台下的听众都跑光了。我苦恼至极。直到今天，我在回想起当初那种想倾诉自己的所有却无人倾听的感受时，仍旧感到脸红。
在那次事件发生不久以后，我便退出了戏院。如果观众的回应对一个演员来讲是必不可少的，那么当演员对我来讲显然不是正确的选择。
这让我想到了法国印象派画家雷阿诺，他日复一日、年复一年地做画。没有任何事情能够阻止他，没有任何挫折、贫穷或失败能够阻止他。他不停地画，不管别人的意见如何，他所沉醉的，仅仅是自己的创作过程。
作为一个艺术家，如果付出仅仅是为了那一瞬间的回报，那么他所得到的结果，只能像那些为了得到某些东西而开始一段关系的人一样。这些人期望从各种关系中得到比如温暖、归属感、亲密、性、安全、金钱、地位或其他种种回报。一旦这些回报不能实现，付出便就此终结。
爱就像是艺术，为了存活，它必须是真诚的，由它本身的需求所维系，而且永远不求赢得掌声。
很多人都害怕作出承诺。我想，他们真正憎恶的，是必须要变得独立，把自己的控制权移交给他人。
我不能明白的是为什么有些人想要控制别人，尤其是以爱的名义。如果你试图这样做，那么另外一个人除了抗拒、逃避或是欺骗你以外，恐怕没有任何其他选择。或者最坏的情况是，屈从于你的欲望，这样的话，他/她的个性必将枯竭，而你所得到的，只能是一个软体动物。
支配欲的共生关系与其他任何相互依赖的关系一样，是爱的敌人。基于我们的欲望——这一人类最大的弱点——它让我们变得渺小而缺乏安全感。因为如果你指望别人来填补你内心的空虚，那么你内在的一部分必然会随着别人的死亡或离开而缺失。
因此，如果你祈�
